This morning (all my musings take place at this time of the day because I think, one, I’m awake and two it’s a new fresh day and I haven’t yet had time to cock it up) I have awoken with a strong urge to rally my bannermen and march South to London. Well, maybe not actually march as I live in Telford…train possibly, but more likely coach as its so much cheaper.
Once there, we will lay siege to the capital until we have brought it to its knees. Then we will storm the palace deposing the whore pretender to the throne, Elizabeth. We will mount her head on a spike on Tower Bridge and take our rightful place on the Iron Throne, perhaps with a cushion or two. I mean who wants to sit all day on that thing? It’s made of swords, whoever sat on a sword and thought “this would make a really comfy chair”?
Anyway, any that do not bend the knee to their new Lord and rightful King – Phil in the Box, son of (William) Bill in the Box, Lord of Eltham (SE London) – lover of KFC and King of the rather funny but a bit rude, greeting cards on Etsy of the North – will be tortured with pointed comments and hurt with barbed remarks until they are sad. Or beheaded, depending on what mood I’m in.
And I will rule with my Queen, Her Royal Highness Queen (Khaleesi) Daisy of Croydon, Mother of Dragons, not actual dragons, just three kids and a stupid dog that just got in the fucking bin. Queen Daisy will do most of the ruling while I play the Xbox.
And to honour the Gods old and new, we will build a new and more consistent Crystal Palace with great defences and the ability to launch devastating attacks that would be capable of toppling northern giants.
I tried to attach this blog post to a raven but they’re harder to catch than you think and as a postal service they leave a lot to be desired. Their geographical knowledge of the British Isles is terrible and as for their understanding of the UK post code system, well it’s almost nonexistent.
Can’t find a three eyed raven anywhere, the best I could find was a one legged pigeon, well foot more than leg really. I reckon I could make a three eyed raven, if I had a raven, a glue gun and a toffee poppet.
Anyway as you may have guessed I may have been binge-watching Game of Thrones – re-watching really, in readiness for Season seven. I think I may have a break from it this weekend and watch a film, Star War Rogue One! It may just give me the urge to go to London and stop Theresa May building a fully operational Death Star!!!