The Worm of God


As a dyslexic I have a love-hate relationship with the written worm…



Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.



Don’t get me wrong I understand the sentiment of that statement but…



1. Is that the valley that the shadow of death lives in or is that the name of the valley and if so why would walk there ?!! I assume it’s got that name for a reason?



Like Death Valley in California. the most inhospitable place on earth (I thought that was Deptford in South East London but apparently not). People go there all the time, it’s a national park (Death Valley not Deptford).


But if you read up about it, the first word they write is “”inhospitable and you know that’s bad because it sounds far too much like **in hospital** to be anything good.



2. Fearing no evil. Surely that depends what your definition of evil is – I’ve heard it used to describe anything from a chocolate cake to a dirty look to Brussels sprouts and the dictator Adolf Hitler and that dick/hater Donald Trump.



That aside, let’s say for instance that the 6 million Jews and all the gays and gypsies and anybody black or mixed race, men, woman and children that were killed  during the Second World War in a death camp was an evil act. Or the Charleston church massacre or the Paris shootings where more than 100 died (take your pick).



God didn’t once intervene, not once… not so much as a “leave it out” or a “You can pack that shit in right now” not even in a church. Now that’s fucking lazy, he fucking lives there! One of his many houses.



But saying that I did inexplicably drop a rather nice piece of chocolate devil’s food cake that I had been looking forward to, so maybe his divine intervention is only focused on food based evil. So I guess we should fear evil that’s not food based and keep our eyes open for it, because God sure as hell isn’t, whether he’s with you or not…(he’s not!!)



3.  Your rod and your staff comfort me! That may have meant something different when they wrote it, but now sounds like biblical dirty talk. “Yes! Yes ! Comfort me with thine rod…yes! yes!  Begat me good.”

What did people say back in BC during that post sex glow? “Ooh God’s yet to be born illegitimate bastard son whose name will not be known until about 5 past AD, that was the best going forth and multiplying I’ve ever had!”





The **staff** mentioned in that passage…are they the employees of the guy or girl involved in all that hot sexy rod action? If so, do they get to do a bit of “comforting”?
Some kind of employee bonus scheme (They must have had strong unions back then)

“We want at least a 3% increase in wages and a shorter working week plus the use of your wife for comfort breaks, with your 14-year old daughter to be phased in over the next 2 years. And unless I see our demands met in full, we will be forced to inform the members of our Flip Flop and  Sandal Makers Union that as of two cock crows past sunrise, we are on strike!”

This may sound far fetched but when you think that according to the bible, we are here on Earth due to years of incest and inbreeding…who were Adam and Eve’s kids getting their rod and staff comfort from? Hmmm?



Everything that is written is open to interpretation. We all take something from what we see and read, depending on our viewpoint up-bringing and culture, but when we apply that to stuff that was written hundreds and even thousands of years ago, we can lose the real message or just misunderstand it, due to the fact it was not aimed at us.

I’ve never coveted my neighbour’s ass. To be honest, I’ve never even checked it out, but I’ve seen him coming back from the gym so I’m assuming it’s quite firm.

The only thing that any of the religious books tell us that can be trusted (and it’s trusted because it’s something we all need and want) is kindness and respect. Just be nice.

I fell off my stepladder once and looking at it like a petulant child, said “you can’t treat me like that – you’re not my real ladder…”


It’s all just worms…




If you would like to see more of my words and pictures, and more importantly, buy them, please head to our Etsy store  – you will get your rewards in heaven ( in the form of a card!)


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