Wordplay

“You’re the bomb”

“Don’t be silly”

“No ! … You are the bomb!”

“Well that’s really sweet of you to say”

“I just look at you and think ‘boom! That’s the bomb,  right there'”

” So what is it about me makes you say I’m the bomb?  Is it my body?  My looks? My hair? My personality?”

“If I was pushed to pick,  I would have to say it’s the C4 vest and the cell phone detonator.”

We’ve all had one of those days, when we’re misunderstood or we end up speaking at crossed purposes.  Language is constantly changing and we seem to be adding new words every day. So we need to be more aware of what we say and how we say it.

If I was to say that I found a film on the internet of an older guy with his whole hand up the arse of a young ginger lad who was a bit of a bear… depending who you are that could mean one of three things.

1 : I’m watching gay porn.
2 : I’m watching an episode of sooty
3 : I’m watching gay glove puppet  bestiality porn (Don’t judge me !!!!!)

There was a time that sweet meant good, but that changed to good being bad,  then it was pretty dope and while I was trying to work out what dope (cannabis) became, good became reem . That’s just one word out of the 1.3 million words in the English language.

Slang words become properly recognised dictionary words just by their common use like selfie … 20 years ago if you said you were doing a selfie people would assume you were masturbating.

” I walked in on him … he was … doing a selfie.”

“Well that’s natural at his age”

” But he was shirtless and smiling at himself in the mirror.”

“What he does in the privacy of his own room is up to him.”

“Well when I tried to talk to him about it he told me he did it every where … at school, in the park, even over dinner and he told me that him and his friends, male and female often do it all together and he’s even done it with the dog !!!”

“That’s fucked up !!!”

Words are the most powerful thing ever, and the fact that most of the population can now pull up a digital soap box and spout their own point of view in easy to digest soundbites, makes it more important than ever that we choose carefully what we say.

“I know I have the body of a weak, feeble woman (No !!! Before you ask that is not a sexist statement on my own personal fitness)  but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England” – Queen Elizabeth, geeing up the troops ready to kick some Spanish arse (1588). Not to be mistaken for Queen Elizabeth the sequel’s (second) Speech where she talks about her horrible anus or as she put it (in less 12-year-old school boy terms) her Annus Horribilis.

“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, (he forgot outside Wetherspoons on a Saturday night,where we do most of our best fighting… “leave it Winnie he’s not worth it!”) Churchill’s 1940 speech, preparing the British people for the war that was to come.

“Ich bin ein Berliner” –  words used by John F Kennedy pledging support for West Germany at the height of the Cold War.  I am a Berliner, a power statement to the Soviets. Well it would have been if he had said the German right what he actually said was “I am a jam doughnut” (Honestly, you can’t make this shit up )

“Get your money out now! There are people dying now, so give me the money! Fuck the address, let’s get the number,  that’s how we are going to get the money!” – Bob Geldof Live Aid,  1985 …. I gave. When a Irishman shouted at you demanding money you gave because back in the day  Irish Catholic was the terrorist’s religion of choice.

These people used words to strengthen and unite.  Others, not so much ……

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”

“Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized.”

“Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.”

Three statements by two world leaders. The one that isn’t racist was said by Adolf Hitler. The rest are by that small- handed, angry,  misogynistic pussy-grabbing,  Mexican-hating,  stupid-haired,  always got on with the blacks,  bile-filled satsuma.

Hail to the Chief.

The last word should always be ….

“I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia,  the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.”