Big screens, big dreams.

 

Kids are more sophisticated now. When you ask them what they want to to be when they grow up,  they say a vet or doctor or the victim of a trip or fall accident (because where there’s blame there’s a claim) or a legal secretary sleeping their way through the firm; maybe even a high flying executive with a small bottle of whiskey/vodka in their desk that thinks it perfectly okay to drink Prosecco at 10.50 in the morning because brunch has lunch in the title.

 

 

prosecco

 

If I’d been asked that question when I was a kid, I would have said jet fighter or rocket. “Oh Phil! Surely you mean a fighter pilot or an astronaut?” No a real fucking jet fighter or an actual rocket …not sure how my thought processes could’ve come up with the scenario where that would’ve happened. Unless…UNLESS! – I was bitten by a wererocket  or injected with radioactive jet fuel. Could happen, Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive spider.

 

spider

 

“And how do we know that?”…Well give me a chance and I’ll tell you!!

 

We know that because we have been told it so many bloody times …the comics have told that story loads of times in different reboots, then the TVs series, then the movies . All slightly different but all basically the same.

 

Not including the TV stuff, we have had three Supermen and three origin stories. Exactly who is it that doesn’t know by now that he’s a do-gooding alien from Krypton? Well, except all the residents of Metropolis that can’t see past a suit and pair of glasses. How much help would they be in a Crimewatch reconstruction if they are confused by someone’s identity if they simply put a fucking hat on?

 

superman

 

Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben said “Mmmm tasty rice in under 2 minutes” and he also said “with great power comes great responsibility”, so why don’t those film makers listen to the words they put in his mouth (okay, maybe not the 2 minute rice thing). Be responsible and do the right thing, trust the audience.

 

Okay,  we are not always the brightest bulbs in the projector (Proof being we will pay  £3 for a £1 bag of Minstrels and £4 for lips & arse holes in a finger roll and another £3 for a bucket of ice that taste vaguely like coke) but we are smart enough to know that a new actor playing Spider-man doesn’t mean you have to start from the beginning again.

 

Look at James Bond, if the same rules applied we would have watched twelve different actors play 007 in Dr No … “Aww Mr Bond we meet a-fucking-gain!!!!”)

 

Don’t get me wrong –  I’ve been waiting years for them to make a convincing Spider-man … Superman, Batman, Avengers etc …. I love them all,  even the bad ones (and there have been some incredibly bad ones). But while I was waiting for Hollywood to bring my childhood (ok and adulthood) comic book heroes and villains to life, I watched a shed load of other films that were just as amazing but with no Lycra, spandex, caps or masks and without millions of dollars in special affects.

 

bat

 

I worry that for every Hulk tearing down a building (how ever Awesome that is) there is a Godfather or a French Connection,  a One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest or a Goodbye girl or Sophie’s Choice not being made.

 

hulk

 

I know we live in a much scarier world now than when I wanted to be rocket and over the last few weeks it’s got even darker and a lot more scary. So sit back and enjoy those big budget escapist type movies. where a pathetic joke of a man somehow get superpowers and wreaks terrible vengeance on the world for it’s laughter and derision … safe in the comforting knowledge that it could never really happen.

 

Shit! Is that the time? … I can’t stand around talking to you lot,
it’s T minus 10 and counting and and all systems are go! Some of us have a moon to land on…

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