I have a magical sofa. I hear a resounding chorus of “Bollocks!”, but it’s true.
The couch is nothing very remarkable to look at, but it’s nice enough. A leather recliner that’s great to nap on, or be perched on the edge of while some loud-mouthed yank guns me down in Battlefield 4 on the Xbox (which isn’t so bad because I know I could kick their arse in real life …well until they run inside and tell their dad how I pushed her over and stole her heelies !!)
So to look at its just a couch; I didn’t get it from the mystical realm at the back of the wardrobe (after washing the lion shit off it, of course) or from down a rabbit hole, nor was it the last great invention of a confectionery maker or the last holy seat of Christ, you know the one – the one they sat on while waiting for their last supper reservation – “A party of 13 … we can do we can do two sixes with one extra chair squeezed in, or you’ll have to wait half an hour”.
Ok how then, is it magic? Why, thank you for asking!
When I sit in this seat and switch the TV on I suddenly know everything about everything, subjects I know nothing about, remarkably, I am an expert. Any sports of which I previously knew nothing I am now better than a top coach.
It’s taken me years to get Andy Murray to the standard he is today (number one baby!). I would have help the England squad out in the football but its just a magic couch not a fucking miracle working deity…
Politics, not only do I know the right questions to ask but I know the right answers too. “would the right honourable Tory dick head please answer my question” “why are you a lying elitist piece of shit who wants to dismantle the health service”
As for quizzes not only do I know great answers but they’re better than the ones that they claim are right.
But when I get up from the couch.. I’m like a sad fat Manuel…”I know nothing”… so I try to sit there as much as I can … my couch, my precious...
Please check out my progress so far on #NaNoWriMo2016 – this is not the card designer’s natural habitat you know, I am much more at home here among my cards and posters…